Echoes of Light

Growing up in my religion wasn’t all bad. There were moments of joy—weekend roller-skating, winter ice skating, music carrying me across the rink. Sometimes, a boy would nervously ask me to couples skate, his sweaty hand clumsy in mine. For someone starved of physical affection, those fleeting touches felt like warmth in a cold world. My mother, a single parent working tirelessly, had little time for hugs.

At the time, I dreamed of becoming a missionary, traveling to spread the word of God. I believed everything I was taught, convinced I had found the truth. Yet, each mistake filled me with shame, self-loathing—a quiet storm within me. I had become the Pharisee in the Bible, praying for others to see, measuring righteousness in appearances while casting judgment. On the outside, I looked faithful; inside, I craved acceptance, freedom, love.

I grew up, got married, and tried to stay within the inner circle of my religion—but I always longed for more. Guilt weighed me down, and I constantly compared myself to others.

Fifteen years ago, I met someone who would become both a friend and a guide. God used this person to open my heart and lead me to Jesus in a way no one else could. Knowing my love for knowledge, God sent this friend—someone with a panoply of wisdom to share. I thought, if this genius believes, maybe there’s something to it. They patiently explained God’s grace—not through preaching, but through love—offering proof born from conviction. They spoke of the Holy Spirit as a real being, with feelings and emotions. I longed to hear Him as clearly as they did.

One day, I shared an experience drenched in shame, and my friend simply said, “No shame. No shame.” That moment shifted something in me. I came to understand that God is love. I had been carrying the weight of guilt, restrictive rules, and rejection, but Jesus lifted it all. His love overwhelmed me in the best way. Now, I am loved, not cast aside, and I have a freedom in serving Him that I never thought possible. I can lean on my Father for comfort, give my worship to Jesus, and seek guidance from the Holy Spirit. I am still learning how to hear Them—but it is a beautiful lesson.

So here it is—my story of redemption. My friend may never fully grasp my gratitude for their patience and kindness, for showing me what true love and friendship are. Thank you, Jesus, for sending them to me when no one else could have reached me. I was lost, but now I am found.